MIA - thalassemia

i don't know much about her,
all i know is she sweet and soft-spoken.
i rarely see her.she spent most of her time in hospital.
i can't remember when was the last time i have spoken to her.

she quit school,
she didn't get married,
she didn't mingle around people that much,
and she rarely went to church on sunday.

few time i heard her in critical state,
but God still wants her to be with her family a little bit longer,
few time she stumbled on the floor and broke her bone,
she got through it.

by the look of her eyes,
i bet she was lonely.
i bet she have dreams too,
i bet she felt so left out watching
her friends to chase their dreams,
to have their own family

she can only wish,she can only watch from her hospital bed.
with a blood running from the tube,
direct to her very viens,
for so many years,
"why God?why me?i'm not mad at you but i'm worn out now.
i feel like i'm a burden to my family.
set them free.SET ME FREE.take me with You"
she beg.

it was a very peaceful afternoon
in the middle of november,
surrounded by loved one,
"Father Lord i am ready.take me home"
He heard her.
Rest in peace.

Baby,please forgive me

Babe,
If i could take the rainbow out of the sky for you,i would but i can't create such miracle.
If i could paint thousands of beautiful images for you,i would but i'm not a great painter,i can only paint dark black and red blood on your canvas.
If i could sing you the sweetest melody in the world,i would sing for you from the moment you open your pretty eyes in the morning until  you close your eyes to sleep at night.
And if i could give you this entire world,i would without a single doubt.

Babe,
I was wrong,
I was stupid,
How can i be so cruel to you.
Just like a fallen angel,you stormed  your way out in the dark,in the rain.
With a broken wings and shattered faith,you carry your bleeding heart away from me.

I can only watch..
I was as torn apart as you.
To stab you once,i stab myself first twice the harder,twice the deeper.
I have cried long before your first tear.

Forgive me baby,
I love you but i have to let you go.
Be free,tell the world about me.
A man without a heart.

Farewell angel,fly away,away from me~

Alive~

7july2012~
now i'm officially 26 years old.
as i recall my journey in life,faces of people i love and lost along the way flashing in my head.i feel no pain nor regret for things that passed for i'm taking both happy and sad moment as a valueable lesson that i wouldn't trade for anything.
happy moment-all things must come to an end eventually they said.well,i dont approve it.everything have its timing and when one seems to end,doesnt matter what it is,happy or the opposite,it is merely because that particular moment in time is opening the way for the new one to happen.there will be a happy moment and there will be some not so happy moment but hey,we live for the moment and moment will change when its time to.it is seasonal i must say.everytime i'm down,i just remind myself that there's a better day ahead.in short,life is a dick.sometime you up,next time you down.there!haha~
sad moment-time will heal almost everything..hmm,but how?by making you forget?maybe,but i  think it can only works its magic if you let it.your powerful tools is your own self.you see,the pain or sorrow is actually never goes away,never decreased.it is yourself that gotten stronger to bear it.making the pain a little less coz you can handle so much more.my only remedy to overcome a dissapointment and pain,to stay hold and strong is by telling myself there is more to life than that so i choose to be happy.easier said than done but again,you are your own powerful tool.take control of your mind,emotion and heart.you will find that you are actually stronger than what you think you are.just relax and change those negative energy in you to something that benefits you.love yourself,let go of the pain and regrets that limits you to be happy!.
An as for the bad decisions i have made in my life,i accept the fact that its been done and i cant undo it for i cant turn back the time but i'm still alive and every single second of it is my chance for redemption.i have forgiven myself and i made peace with it.
most of all,thank you God for the wonderful 26 years of my life.
~i am blessed