Wednesday, October 13, 2010
i kinda emotional right now..
my whole 24 years of life,i'm living in the house that my dad built for us and yesterday,we're moved to our 'sort of' new house that my mum completely pay for it with her own money.
my dad divorced my mom when i was 8 and since then,i have never meet my dad..well there's a few times he showed up his face few years ago when i was in secondary school but just a short meeting and after that,i never see him again..
honestly,i grew up hating him for leaving us but when i got mature and i can think clearly as an adult,i begin to forgive him little by little..living without a father is kinda hard but it was a long time ago..
yesterday,we're so busy having the furnitures and stuffs moved to new place..it took us whole day to completely moved the things to our new place and as the space go empty little by little,some sort of sad feeling appeared in my heart..then i look at my mom and said, "now..dad has completely gone from our life..we're no longer living in his house.."..my mum didn't say a thing but to carry on moving the furniture along with my brother,Eric.
so,when we finished all the work,i take a long look at the place where i used to live,recollecting all the memories of our father when we still have him in our family and after that,i go to my room and sit quietly as my heart go sadder and sadder.
"Dad,the only thing that keep me thinking about you is the memories we used to have together,when you carry me in your arms from our house all the way to the river,you used to hug me every night till i go asleep..and your last word 'no matter what will happen to mom and dad,i will always be your father and nothings gonna change
that',keep roaring in my head till now and i cried that time as if i understand the situation we been through.."
thou he left us to be with his new family years ago,i'm still living under his roof and sleeping on his floor as i'm living in the house that he built..and now,we're have a new place to stay,built by my mom very own effort and money..
the place that once provide shelter for me is now an empty space..so many sweet memories created there and when i look at it for the last time,i saw a shadow from my past,my childhood,running and jumping all around the house all smiling with joy and i said to myself,'what a life..everything is all sweet and complete back then..'
but i'm happier now..doesn't matter how hurt it caused me at the past,Jesus has always been beside me as my father..how can i ask for a better dad?i have God.. :)