a letter to you

 Dear you,

sorry we got to this point of no turning back.

sorry i have to go before i gave you the chance to speak for yourself.

sorry i blocked you totally from my life.

sorry if you feel like i left you hanging.

sorry.

you know what hurts the most?

tiba-tiba  berjuang sendiri untuk sesuatu yang kita mula kan bersama. kau ada di sana tetapi seakan tiada. i know you’re trying but semakin lama kita bersama,i feel like yang kau pertahankan cuma perasaan kau,bukan memperjuangkan “kita” sudah. I realized it for quite awhile,when the energy i got from you don’t match with what i gave you.You said you’re okay,we’re okay,but little that you know,you’ve changed.

i tried,everyday. fighting for us,shower you with promises that i know i’m really capable of doing. painting the picture of our future so that your feelings for me come to blossoms just like the first day we said the “i love you”

the more i try,the more you’re slipping aways from my grasp. i can no longer hold you as you keep on losing in your own world. 

but you’re my world. 6 months in,was the happiest time of my life. you make me feel belong,secure and grounded at the same time. those plan we made,i’m smiling thinking about it right now because,we were so happy back then. us against the world and i wouldn’t have it any other way.

it’s true what they said,sometimes you can only keep people in your heart but not in your life. it’s okay. i’m not mad. i only cried once after we’re apart. i cried,not because we’re no longer together,simply because we’re no longer hurting each other,that both of us can finally move on with our life. 

every break up is painful,i can’t lie but i prefer not to think about that part,i’m at peace knowing that we managed to do a lot of fun stuff together in our short period of “infinity”. that’s more than enough. we sing,we cook,we play cards,we shower together,we laugh but mostly we loved. ok,i take back my word,i cried writing this part,so i cried twice so far.

letting you go was easy,surprisingly. not because i hate you or i’m mad thing didn’t work out but 6 months together,i have given you the bestest of me. love,loyalty and attention,sometimes maybe a bit too much but you know how i am and by that,i have no regrets. i did my part the best i can. i gave you my all and thou in the end we’re back on being a strangers again,we’re strangers with memories and i will cherish that for the rest of my life.

i will always love you. eventhough one day i may find someone new and you find one too,know that you holds special place in my heart.my sweet baby,ok i cried for the third time.

i wish you all the best baby. even without a proper goodbye,know that i’ve had the best time with you. be good there,wherever you are. 

Goodbye my Kitchai ping,

24 march 2020.

i will always love you

Reynold Spine~